why didn't you poke me back
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
