I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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