I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
