She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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