my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
