so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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