im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
