drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
