Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
