Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
