I hate all girls vehemently.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
