There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
