I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
