i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
