things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
