am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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