I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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