The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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