I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
