is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
