You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
