She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
