i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
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He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
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I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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