If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
