Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
