Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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