Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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