I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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