love makes seman taste better
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
