i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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