If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
