We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about youâ€
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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