i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
