Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
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Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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