I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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