There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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