ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
