Swine flu is the new snow day.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
false alarm, still single
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
