I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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