i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm having to shit out rocks
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
