just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
