Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
