Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
