Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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