so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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