i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
