Sorry, I don't speak sober.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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