My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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