"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
