some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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