YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
