I accidentally had phone sex last night
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
