My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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