What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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