Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
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Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
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Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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