worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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