The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
