i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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