Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
