This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
