You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
