i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
