dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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