I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize