He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
