Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
